


portrait of you

by skkaie29



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26853949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skkaie29/pseuds/skkaie29
Summary: continuation to "I loved you so much, we lost it"
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Kudos: 5





	portrait of you

it’s been 2 years since Jongin’s passing.

many things have changed, but there are still things that remain the same.

sehun mixed some paints, phone projecting a picture of jongin, the ethereal beauty reflecting on his eyes.

maybe, jongin will hear him, and maybe, he can redeem himself after what he had done.

as he painted, he got to jongin’s eyes.

jongin’s eyes always had a tinge of sadness in them, no matter the occasion.

sehun felt guilty. these 2 years, all he felt was guilt.

damn. he had the position to change that sad gaze, but he went and messed it all up, and made it sadder.

he hated himself for it. 

_ hey, jongin, if you’re listening, i think you need a explanation . one that’s really overdue. _

_ i...i don’t know how to start. first off, i’m sorry. i’m so damn sorry. now, time for my explanation. _

_ i’m not good enough. i’m not good enough for you. i know it. i know this. you’re an ethereal god, and i’m just a peasant. _

_ we are out of each other’s leagues. i’m not worth your time. what i thought was a solution really wasn’t. it was me being stupid. _

as sehun talked, he imagined jongin sitting in front of him, instead of the painting.

he felt… empty. his world, was gone. no amount of emotion can fill the hole in his heart.

_ i- if i were to ever have a chance to speak to you again, i’d apologise. so damn much. i’m so sorry, jongin. _

_ that day… the day you… it took me so hard to forget about you when i was with minyoung. then, there you were, not just in my train of thought, but literally 5m away from me. _

_ your gaze… i couldn’t forget it. ha, it’s haunting me till this day. _

_ that broken gaze. pains me even more that i know i was the one who did that to you. _

_ but i thought. i thought. i thought that was for the best. you didn’t deserve me anyways. _

_ but that day… when you were on the stretcher, your last words, made me realise _

_ that i don’t deserve you even more. i don’t.  _

_ a.. and when you flatlined, i swear to god, i wished my heart would stop beating right then and there, so i could see you. _

the painting was almost done, sehun could see it through his blurry, tear filled eyes.

_ see what you’ve done to me nini? god, i miss you so damn much. _

-

and that painting, hung on his wall for eternity, even 10 years after jongin’s passing, it still remains, he can’t forget jongin.

if he ever did, he’d hate himself more.

  
  



End file.
